Attention: Letter of Complaint
by SilverOrb
Summary: Sasuke writes a letter of complaint to the Hokage about his chosen team. Set after the the written Chuunin exam.


To Whom It May Be Concerned (That's you, Third Hokage)

**The Formation of Team 7**

I would first like to commend the formation of Team 7. It is the most impressive team, existing; especially with the existence of a certain, very talented new genin. This team will undoubtedly make the other villages cringe in fear with every mention of Konoha due to its sheer talent. However, it would have been made better; even perfect; if two its team members were omitted.

**1) Lack of Subtlety**

Hokage-san,

If not for my utmost respect for the most powerful ninja in Konoha, I would have questioned your sanity. The mortality rate for Konoha ninja, especially genin is about 60. This is because, as I am sure you are already informed (That is, if you have not been discreetly leaving your desk for extracurricular activities; of which I doubt has much value to the general well-being of the village) most genin end up killing themselves with their own kunai due to stupidity alone. The others, being equally idiotic; die because they were detected by enemy shinobi. This, although is not as common; occurs frequently enough that Konoha's competency has been challenged.

Thus, brings me back to the point in which I fail to comprehend how Uzumaki Naruto and Haruno Sakura were made ninja in the first place. After all, a combination of yellow hair and blue eyes along with pink hair and green eyes are undoubtedly going to attract attention. With no intention to insult your intelligence, I must also note that their clothing is equally eye-catching, with bright orange and red, of which I hope you have noticed despite your severe myopia. This is very worrying, considering the fact that there is a possibility that I might actually die from being in the same team as them; should we be detected by hostile parties.

Also, it very much offends my very fragile Uchiha sensibilities; of which has been drilled upon me for the very few years that my family still existed (your fault, I'm sure) that black is very much the in thing.

And red, orange plus black; clash. Because I say so.

**2) Loss in funds due to said team members**

Hokage-san,

After careful calculations, I have summised that Konoha has sustained a damage worth 653 346 700 ryou, which is three digits more than Konoha can afford loosing, all due to two certain individuals with fragile tempers and/or tendency to show off; thus causing more property damage.

Note, I am well aware that most of Konoha? funds are also of those confiscated from the Uchiha family after the massacre. Mentioned funds are also supposedly set aside for the future heir to inherit once reaching his majority age. As the other Uchiha heir has killed off the rest of my family, and is disqualified for severe mental instability; that is _me._ Thus, in retrospect; I would like to request for the Council to STOP SPENDING MY MONEY.

Especially on things that the two of them destroy when they go on rampage. Destruction of which I obviously do not partake in. Really. Except for that one time where Ichiraku was destroyed which was actually all Naruto's fault anyway.

**3) Reliance on pure, dumb, luck**

Hokage-san,

I am very sure that you have noticed the sheer stupidity of the exams in which Team 7 had only passed due to circumstances that had happened to bend our way. Of course, I have to mention that little, if any blame, is on me - the prodigy of the group, but on the other two idiots that consist it. This does not include Hatake Kakashi although I do not really endorse his behaviour of reading porn in front of underaged BUT mature ninjas like yours sincerely.

This ridiculous excuse for skill, luck; is sure to run out very soon - if it hasn't already. And I would like to remind you, as the last surviving member of the Uchiha clan whose funds you are draining; that should my close proximity with mentioned people causes lethal damage; I have hired a few ninjas from Sound to deal with you personally as a clause in my will. Of course, I am well aware that you must be semi-competent to actually survive as the Hokage of Konoha. Which is why I hired fifty. Jounin. Of whom at least twenty are genius. With blood-line abilities.

In fact, Hokage-san; I would go on and on about the many detriments of my team members but it would probably take up more attention span than you are accustomed to.

However, I must admit that I am never, if not unreasonable. There is nothing wrong for me to accept a compromise. If immediate promotion to chuunin is given, I will definitely withdraw all complaints, including the one on sexual harassment by one certain sannin who mistook me for a girl, (of which I did not appreciate whatsoever). If not,

FUCK YOU.

Yours,  
_Uchiha Sasuke_


End file.
